Numerology
& Relational Psychology

Practical Relational Psychology:

A relationship is a living and dynamic process.

It requires attention and real dialogue. In order to live well with another and not to knock or hurt [his/her] sensitivity or sacrifice your own, it is essential to create a relationship of co-operation where both people gain.

If the relationship doesn't allow self expression or satisfy needs, it will only generate frustration. To avoid this, several recipes can be advantageous when applied.

The couple is " a workshop for two " where each one must be able to express [him,her]self and communicate freely. For real communication and dialogue, we propose that each person in the couple makes a list of things liked and disliked in the four fundamental areas : physical or material (Earth), organizational (Water), spiritual (Air) and emotional (Fire).

Both partners must be honest and open to these subjects. Differences within a couple are natural and must not be seen as obstacles !

Also check out our Relationship Predictor.

Here is a very summarized example of such a list :

PHYSICAL

I LIKE

the smell of a good perfume
warm water (swimming pool, bath)
privacy in the bathroom
light, healthy food
good pastry

I DON'T LIKE

promiscuity
public swimming pools
noise
insects
vulgarity

ORGANIZATIONAL

I LIKE

punctuality
kept promises
discretion

I DON'T LIKE

changing plans all the time
disorder, distortion of remarks
extravagant people

SPIRITUAL

I LIKE

clearness
an interest in psychology
mutual confidence
mind openness

I DON'T LIKE

unhealthy psychology
the game of hierarchy
cowards
unscrupulous people

EMOTIONAL

I LIKE

kindness
smiling
happiness
relaxation
freshness
good manners

I DON'T LIKE

horror films
negative emotions
a lack of elegance
a lack of attention
spreading gossip

This list is progressive and written. Take all your time to think about it. Each person must really understand what the other wants to express and if there is no area of agreement on a particular point, it may be better to live this area separately.

A relationship where everyone wins needs in fact two strong, responsible individuals who respect each other and decide to co-operate, to find things in common with a constructive goal. This relationship is based on the free choice of both partners. Each one can bring [his,her] personal touch. In this type of relationship each one proposes, no-one imposes ! At the other end of the scale we find the relationship where there is a winner and a loser, this relationship often changes so that both parties lose.

Interpretation is the major trap of all communication. It arises as soon as the belief, the extrapolation and interpretation takes over reality. We no longer leave our loved one the possibility to express [him,her]self or explain the reasons for [his,her] behavior. Communication dies to leave the place for verbal slipping. Communication becomes impossible, the relationship is an empty shell. Speak, express yourself, justify yourself, but don't judge or condemn !

The human being needs to be recognized and respected as an individual. It needs to be understood when it expresses itself and confides in someone. This condition is necessary prior to all real communication. Three verbs can describe a successful relationship: To listen, To express yourself and to exchange. Listening is tiring, speaking isn't enriching but conversing while speaking and listening brings great satisfaction. Being understood brings contentment. In a healthy relationship one dares to ask, dares to give, dares to receive, dares to refuse, dares to define oneself. Rejecting the faults of the other leads to nothing good.

In order to function well, a couple requires, paradoxically, independence in most areas (financial, affective, cultural). This is necessary in order to have the desire to be together and for the attraction, free from all pressure.
When arguing, make sure that the object of the dispute remains the point of dispute, do not encroach upon other areas. You could regret it and it can only make the discussion venomous.

Never forget this marvelous definition :

LOVE IS... WORKING ON YOUR OWN HAPPINESS IN ORDER TO OFFER IT TO THE OTHER.