& Relational Psychology
Practical Relational Psychology:
relationship is a living and dynamic process.
It requires attention and real
dialogue. In order to live well with another and not to
knock or hurt [his/her] sensitivity or sacrifice your own,
it is essential to create a relationship of co-operation
where both people gain.
If the relationship doesn't
allow self expression or satisfy needs, it will only
generate frustration. To avoid this, several recipes can be
advantageous when applied.
The couple is " a workshop for
two " where each one must be able to express [him,her]self
and communicate freely. For real communication and dialogue,
we propose that each person in the couple makes a list of
things liked and disliked in the
four fundamental areas :
physical or material (Earth),
organizational (Water), spiritual (Air)
and emotional (Fire).
Both partners must be honest and
open to these subjects. Differences within a couple are
natural and must not be seen as obstacles !
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Here is a very summarized
example of such a list :
the smell of a
warm water (swimming pool, bath)
in the bathroom
light, healthy food
I DON'T LIKE
public swimming pools
I DON'T LIKE
changing plans all the time
disorder, distortion of
interest in psychology
I DON'T LIKE
the game of
I DON'T LIKE
a lack of elegance
a lack of attention
This list is progressive and
written. Take all your time to think about it. Each person
must really understand what the other wants to express and
if there is no area of agreement on a particular point, it
may be better to live this area separately.
A relationship where everyone
wins needs in fact two strong, responsible individuals who
respect each other and decide to co-operate, to find things
in common with a constructive goal. This relationship is
based on the free choice of both partners. Each one can
bring [his,her] personal touch. In this type of relationship
each one proposes, no-one imposes ! At the other end of the
scale we find the relationship where there is a winner and a
loser, this relationship often changes so that both parties
Interpretation is the major trap
of all communication. It arises as soon as the belief, the
extrapolation and interpretation takes over reality. We no
longer leave our loved one the possibility to express
[him,her]self or explain the reasons for [his,her] behavior.
Communication dies to leave the place for verbal slipping.
Communication becomes impossible, the relationship is an
empty shell. Speak, express yourself, justify yourself, but
don't judge or condemn !
The human being needs to be
recognized and respected as an individual. It needs to be
understood when it expresses itself and confides in someone.
This condition is necessary prior to all real communication.
Three verbs can describe a successful relationship: To
listen, To express yourself and to exchange. Listening is
tiring, speaking isn't enriching but conversing while
speaking and listening brings great satisfaction. Being
understood brings contentment. In a healthy relationship one
dares to ask, dares to give, dares to receive, dares to
refuse, dares to define oneself. Rejecting the faults of the
other leads to nothing good.
In order to function well, a
couple requires, paradoxically, independence in most areas
(financial, affective, cultural). This is necessary in order
to have the desire to be together and for the attraction,
free from all pressure.
When arguing, make sure that the
object of the dispute remains the point of dispute, do not
encroach upon other areas. You could regret it and it can
only make the discussion venomous.
Never forget this marvelous
LOVE IS... WORKING ON YOUR OWN HAPPINESS
IN ORDER TO OFFER IT TO THE OTHER.